5% Chance

My Facebook friends have already commented on my question of what 5% means to them.  Kevin and I are struggling with what 5% means to us, or more specifically Aly.  On Wednesday, Aly is to start her 2nd phase of radiation.  In the second phase they are targeting the original tumor site.  Yesterday, I sat down with the doctor so he could discuss this part of the plan.  Aly's tumor was in such a sensitive area you can imagine what the worries are in treating that area with radiation.  Being a doctor, he obviously had to share the risks involved.  Being a mother, I obviously can only focus on those nasty risks.
There is up to a 5% chance that this treatment could cause paralysis as it is so close to the brain stem.  There is up to a 5% chance that it could affect her vision more or cause hearing loss.  The hearing loss is seen more in patients that have had chemo that affects hearing, which Aly has not had, so that is less of a worry.  Nonetheless, when he first said 5% I didn't really think anything about it.  Then, as it sunk in and I started thinking more, (I wish I was a quicker thinker sometimes, so I could ask questions right away!) I began to worry more.  If you think of 5% as 1 in 20 people does that change your perspective?  5 out of 100 does not seem too threatening does it?  If the weather man was talking about a 5% chance of rain I'd put my swimsuit on and head to the beach!  Maybe I'm overthinking this...maybe not.
I don't want to be put in charge of these life changing decisions.  I know hindsight is 20/20.  It is hard not thinking about the surgery she had to remove the tumor that lessened her vision again.  I know they had to know what they were dealing with, but it is still hard thinking about the fact that there was no cancer in what they removed.  I wonder what would've happened if...
Anyways, like usual I'm going off track here.  All along they have been giving Aly the "standard" treatment for her type of tumor.  This standard treatment is based on years of study groups done in the U.S.  This treatment is showing a 90% cure rate when this course of treatment is completed.  What they don't easily share is what happens if you stray off this path.  I wish I could see into the future sometimes.  This is a difficult thing to deal with, a very difficult decision to make.  We want Aly to be cured of this horrid disease forever, but at the same time we want the best quality of life for her too.  UGH!  My brain has been on overload for too long.        
Yesterday, they also pointed out the red (I call it a racing stripe) that now goes down Aly's back (down her spine).  I hadn't noticed it yet.  She is also having some reddening on her head.  All side effects of the radiation, similar to a sunburn, but they told me it may take up to 6 months to go away.  How many times have I said, "I hate this,"? 

I asked Aly if I could put her "waffle" face on here, she wants to share and let people know what she's going through as well, so here it is.  This is what the mask does to her face and the indentations last for about 2-3 hours afterwards...